Hello dear earthlings,
I come to you as the bearer of fascinating news. Our bodies are only 43% human! The rest is apparently bacteria. We are basically aliens.
When I learned this news, I felt a slight bit of relief. I am, in fact, weird. Strange. Not of this world. And guess what, cupcake? You are too! That means none of us belong, except to each other of course. Thanks for belonging to me, la mia polpetta (Italian for “my meatball,” a term of endearment I’ve never heard from any of my off-the-boat relatives).
I appreciate you granting me artistic liberties with this story, and ignoring the actual science that bacteria are also of this earth — we can’t let facts get in the way of feelings. Well, until you consider that bacteria survives on Mars, you know.
With deep affection,
XIMXIA
